1
00:00:59,713 --> 00:01:01,784
[Smooches]

2
00:01:04,050 --> 00:01:06,052
Good morning.

3
00:01:06,119 --> 00:01:08,065
Good morning.

4
00:01:08,121 --> 00:01:10,533
You know I was just
dreaming I was asleep...

5
00:01:10,590 --> 00:01:12,763
and a beautiful woman
was kissing my ear.

6
00:01:12,826 --> 00:01:15,670
- That was me.
- No, it wasn't.

7
00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:25,077
- What's that?
- Happy birthday. Open it.

8
00:01:25,138 --> 00:01:27,140
- Now?
- Sure. Why not?

9
00:01:27,207 --> 00:01:30,313
Well, there were a couple
of things I wanted to do first...

10
00:01:33,413 --> 00:01:36,019
but they can wait.

11
00:01:36,082 --> 00:01:40,258
Hey, a watch--
a Pierrejordeaux.

12
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:43,733
“This-- This is the finest,
most accurate watch in the world.“

13
00:01:43,790 --> 00:01:46,930
- Is it really?
- That's what it says on the box.

14
00:01:49,563 --> 00:01:51,668
Oh, I should've
gotten you up earlier.

15
00:01:51,731 --> 00:01:56,840
Uh, honey, read what it says
on the back of the watch.

16
00:01:56,903 --> 00:02:01,249
“To Bob, the most wonderful
husband in the world.

17
00:02:01,308 --> 00:02:04,915
I love you, love you, love you,
love you, Switzerland.“

18
00:02:04,978 --> 00:02:06,980
No.

19
00:02:07,047 --> 00:02:09,323
It says “Emily“
in there somewhere.

20
00:02:09,382 --> 00:02:11,453
Oh, yeah. It's right
under “Switzerland?

21
00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:14,431
Well, I-l wanted to get
that extra “love you“ in there.

22
00:02:14,487 --> 00:02:17,491
Well, I-- I love you
and I love my watch.

23
00:02:17,557 --> 00:02:22,097
Oh, well, the woman in the store says it'll
only lose or gain a couple of seconds a month.

24
00:02:22,162 --> 00:02:24,665
- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.

25
00:02:24,731 --> 00:02:27,234
It's wrong now.
It says 8:15.

26
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:30,804
No, that's right.
They set it in the store.

27
00:02:30,871 --> 00:02:33,147
Well, then why does
it say 8:15?

28
00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:37,878
And why does
that clock say 8:15?

29
00:02:37,944 --> 00:02:42,154
Well, it's 8:15. It's your birthday.
I wanted to let you sleep a little longer.

30
00:02:42,215 --> 00:02:46,061
Oh, that's great. My first day
with a new watch, and I'm gonna be late.

31
00:02:46,119 --> 00:02:48,463
<i>Well, at least you know
how late you're gonna be...</i>

32
00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:52,333
'cause you got the finest,
most accurate watch in the whole world.

33
00:02:57,864 --> 00:02:59,639
[Elevator Bell Dings]

34
00:02:59,699 --> 00:03:02,680
- Morning, Carol.
- Oh, hi, Bob. Listen, I just want to tell you--

35
00:03:02,736 --> 00:03:05,740
Carol, save the happy birthdays.
I'm sort of funny about that.

36
00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:08,581
I mean, everybody every year
has a birthday, and it's no big deal.

37
00:03:08,642 --> 00:03:11,555
I mean, I know it's my birthday.
You know it's my birthday.

38
00:03:11,611 --> 00:03:13,648
Is it your birthday, Bob?

39
00:03:13,713 --> 00:03:16,717
Well, happy birthday.

40
00:03:16,783 --> 00:03:20,526
- Come on. You knew it was my birthday.
- Bob, how would I know?

41
00:03:20,587 --> 00:03:22,533
Do you know
when my birthday is?

42
00:03:22,589 --> 00:03:25,536
It's, uh-- It's
in the middle ofjuly.

43
00:03:25,592 --> 00:03:28,198
You were close. February.

44
00:03:28,261 --> 00:03:32,175
Well, anyway, uh,
thanks for the happy birthday...

45
00:03:32,232 --> 00:03:34,735
and that's all I want to hear
about birthdays, okay?

46
00:03:34,801 --> 00:03:39,443
Oh, you, uh-- you didn't see
what I got for my birthday.

47
00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:42,510
Oh, Bob.just beautiful.

48
00:03:42,575 --> 00:03:46,318
Great cufflinks.

49
00:03:46,379 --> 00:03:48,325
No, the great watch.

50
00:03:48,381 --> 00:03:50,622
Oh, that's nice too.

51
00:03:50,684 --> 00:03:53,688
Yeah, it was a surprise.
I got it in bed this morning.

52
00:03:55,555 --> 00:03:59,059
That sounds good...

53
00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:02,004
even without the watch.

54
00:04:04,164 --> 00:04:07,168
Uh, anyway, Carol,
I'd appreciate it...

55
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:10,077
if you didn't telljerry
or any of the other guys on the floor...

56
00:04:10,136 --> 00:04:12,082
that it's my birthday, okay?

57
00:04:12,138 --> 00:04:15,585
Bob, why are you so funny
about your birthday?

58
00:04:15,642 --> 00:04:19,647
Well, it goes back a long way.
My mother always made me wear a funny hat...

59
00:04:19,713 --> 00:04:22,922
<i>and, you know, everybodyd
make a big fuss over it.</i>

60
00:04:22,983 --> 00:04:25,486
It sort of embarrassed me,
you know, the phony attention.

61
00:04:25,552 --> 00:04:29,295
Oh, Bob, that's great you can figure that out.
That's really healthy.

62
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:31,859
Well, it's my business.

63
00:04:31,925 --> 00:04:34,633
Hi, Bob. Got a little something
for you here.

64
00:04:34,694 --> 00:04:39,165
NowJerry, I was hoping you'd forget about it
and you wouldn't make a big deal out of it...

65
00:04:39,232 --> 00:04:41,872
'cause I'm-- well, I'm sort of
embarrassed by it, you know?

66
00:04:41,935 --> 00:04:44,609
A reminder that your teeth
need cleaning embarrasses you?

67
00:04:47,507 --> 00:04:50,784
- I thought it was a birthday card.
- Hey, Bob, is it your birthday?

68
00:04:50,844 --> 00:04:52,790
- You knew it was my birthday.
- No, I didn't...

69
00:04:52,846 --> 00:04:56,384
but that's some ego you've got there, imagining
everybody knows when it's your birthday.

70
00:04:56,449 --> 00:04:58,486
Have you ever considered
seeing a shrink?

71
00:04:59,719 --> 00:05:01,721
Anyway, I hope you're
not putting me on...

72
00:05:01,788 --> 00:05:06,066
and when we go to lunch there are gonna be
a lot of guys with gag gifts...

73
00:05:06,126 --> 00:05:08,072
like we did for Tupperman
last month.

74
00:05:08,128 --> 00:05:10,438
But that was different. Everybody knew
it was Tupperman's birthday.

75
00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:12,534
Remember, he sent around
a memo with his sizes?

76
00:05:14,734 --> 00:05:16,714
He even sent around
the size of his tires.

77
00:05:16,770 --> 00:05:19,842
Yeah. Bob, I'm gonna
make you feel real good.

78
00:05:19,906 --> 00:05:23,115
We'll go to the snack machines for lunch,
so there'll be no surprises.

79
00:05:23,176 --> 00:05:25,156
It'll just be
another bad lunch.

80
00:05:25,211 --> 00:05:27,157
That's the way
I like it,jerry.

81
00:05:27,213 --> 00:05:29,215
But you do celebrate
your birthday, don't you, Bob?

82
00:05:29,282 --> 00:05:31,387
I mean, Emily must know.
She's your own wife.

83
00:05:32,719 --> 00:05:34,721
Somebodys coming.
You want me to go.

84
00:05:34,788 --> 00:05:37,268
Jerry...

85
00:05:37,323 --> 00:05:39,860
that's my present from Emily.

86
00:05:39,926 --> 00:05:43,738
Wow. Hey, Bob, that's a Pierrejordeaux.
Wow. That's really an expensive watch.

87
00:05:43,797 --> 00:05:48,109
Yeah, I-l know.
It must've cost... $100, $200?

88
00:05:48,168 --> 00:05:51,775
Are you kidding?
It cost five times that, 1 O times that.

89
00:05:55,241 --> 00:05:57,915
No. No.

90
00:05:57,977 --> 00:06:00,457
Bob, that is a Pierrejordeaux.

91
00:06:00,513 --> 00:06:03,016
You just don't pick those up
in a drugstore.

92
00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:06,087
I mean, that's got to be worth
at least a thousand bucks.

93
00:06:06,152 --> 00:06:08,098
No.

94
00:06:09,322 --> 00:06:13,327
No, Emily would never
do a thing like that--

95
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:17,068
a stupid thing like that.

96
00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:20,771
Bob, somebody must have done it.
If you don't believe me, call thejewelry store.

97
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:24,372
- They'll tell you how much it cost.
- I don't care how much it cost.

98
00:06:24,437 --> 00:06:28,112
I mean, it's a gift. I'm-l'm not interested
in how much it cost...

99
00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:30,654
even ifit cost $200.

100
00:06:30,710 --> 00:06:32,917
It cost a lot more than $200.

101
00:06:32,979 --> 00:06:36,654
- $300?
- It cost a lot more than $300.

102
00:06:36,716 --> 00:06:39,663
Okay, Bob. If you won't do it,
I'll do it.

103
00:06:39,719 --> 00:06:41,665
Hello, uh, Carol?

104
00:06:41,721 --> 00:06:44,759
Will you get us Whitmaflsjewelers
on Michigan Boulevard please? Thank you.

105
00:06:44,824 --> 00:06:47,828
Okay, Bob. I'll bet you five dollars
it cost over a thousand dollars.

106
00:06:47,894 --> 00:06:51,808
If it's over a thousand, I win five bucks.
If it's under a thousand, you win five bucks.

107
00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:53,811
If it's a thousand even,
we're even.

108
00:06:53,867 --> 00:06:58,111
Butjerry, I don't want to win. I don't want
to lose. I don't want to get even.

109
00:06:58,171 --> 00:07:02,085
L-jerry, it couldn't cost that much
'cause look at how thin it is.

110
00:07:04,110 --> 00:07:06,954
Bob, that's the point.
The thinner it is, the better it is.

111
00:07:07,013 --> 00:07:09,357
It's like, uh, pancakes.

112
00:07:09,415 --> 00:07:11,759
[ Buzzes]

113
00:07:11,818 --> 00:07:16,597
- Yeah.
- [Carol ] Whitmaflsjewelers, line one.

114
00:07:16,656 --> 00:07:19,967
Hello, Whitmaflsjewelers?
To whom am I speaking please?

115
00:07:20,026 --> 00:07:22,700
Uh-huh. Well, would you hold the line
a moment please? Thank you.

116
00:07:22,762 --> 00:07:26,835
Okay, Bob. There you go.
You'll be speaking to Maurice.

117
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:30,177
Jerry, I don't want
to talk to-- Maurice?

118
00:07:30,236 --> 00:07:32,512
Yeah, this is Bob Hartley.

119
00:07:32,572 --> 00:07:35,553
Uh, listen, I just, uh-- I just
got a Pierrejordeaux watch...

120
00:07:35,608 --> 00:07:38,748
and I was wondering
how much it cost.

121
00:07:38,811 --> 00:07:41,417
Just curious.

122
00:07:41,481 --> 00:07:44,155
It's a, uh, birthday present
from-from my wife.

123
00:07:46,252 --> 00:07:48,254
Thank you very much.

124
00:07:49,422 --> 00:07:51,424
<i>I'm-I'm 40.</i>

125
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:59,066
Well, it's, uh--
it's pretty thin.

126
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,602
No, thinner than that.

127
00:08:03,703 --> 00:08:06,377
About two pancakes.

128
00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:09,045
The good kind, right.

129
00:08:09,108 --> 00:08:11,110
So, how much does it cost?

130
00:08:12,612 --> 00:08:14,683
You-- You're kidding.

131
00:08:14,747 --> 00:08:19,594
There must be some mistake.
I know my wife couldn't have paid more than...

132
00:08:19,652 --> 00:08:21,654
$200, $300 for it.

133
00:08:23,523 --> 00:08:25,525
I know it's not hot.

134
00:08:28,861 --> 00:08:31,102
I know it's the finest watch
in the world.

135
00:08:31,164 --> 00:08:33,110
Thank you very much.

136
00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:36,238
Wh-What?

137
00:08:36,302 --> 00:08:39,772
It's, uh, 13 minutes after 9:00.

138
00:08:39,839 --> 00:08:43,218
How much, Bob?
I won, didn't I?

139
00:08:43,276 --> 00:08:47,554
Jerry, you know, Emily and I have
given each other nice gifts before, but...

140
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,560
I mean, this-this isn't
a nice gift.

141
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:53,223
- How much, Bob?
- $1,250.

142
00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:56,366
They've gone UP-

143
00:08:59,225 --> 00:09:02,399
Jerry, why-- why would she
spend so much for a watch?

144
00:09:02,462 --> 00:09:06,433
- She loves you, Bob.
- She better have a better reason than that.

145
00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,814
<i> Buzzes 1</i>

146
00:09:09,869 --> 00:09:11,871
- Yeah.
- [ Carol] Mr. Carolla's here.

147
00:09:11,938 --> 00:09:13,940
Thank you. UhJerry,
I got a patient.

148
00:09:14,007 --> 00:09:16,214
Okay, Bob. I'll see ya.
Oh, uh, Bob...

149
00:09:16,276 --> 00:09:20,315
I know it's your birthday, and you're touchy
about it, but you know that five dollars?

150
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:24,294
- You want me to keep it.
- I'd kind of like it now. I'm a little short today.

151
00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:28,025
You told me to treat it
just like any other day, Bob.

152
00:09:28,087 --> 00:09:31,125
Thank you, Bob,
and happy... day.

153
00:09:33,726 --> 00:09:36,297
Oh, hi.
Hi, Dr. Hartley.

154
00:09:36,362 --> 00:09:38,774
Hi, Mr. Carolla. Good morning.
Good to see you.

155
00:09:38,831 --> 00:09:40,833
Do you want to sit down?

156
00:09:42,235 --> 00:09:44,306
Well, how's, uh--
how's everything going?

157
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:46,646
Oh, not too good.

158
00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:48,982
L, uh, still can't seem
to get a job.

159
00:09:49,042 --> 00:09:53,184
<i>My, uh, wife's pressuring me
for the alimony.</i>

160
00:09:53,246 --> 00:09:57,752
I-I don't know.
I, um, may have to sell my car.

161
00:09:57,817 --> 00:09:59,819
Things are really rough,
you know?

162
00:09:59,886 --> 00:10:03,925
But why am I telling you this?
I mean, you got to work like everybody else.

163
00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:06,630
<i>You know how hard it is.»...</i>

164
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:09,572
to save a buck these days.

165
00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:11,631
Yeah, it's rough.

166
00:10:16,169 --> 00:10:18,115
Hi, Emily.

167
00:10:18,171 --> 00:10:21,277
Hi, birthday boy.
How was your day?

168
00:10:21,341 --> 00:10:25,016
Well,just like all days,
you know-- some ups, some downs...

169
00:10:25,078 --> 00:10:28,150
some good, some bad.

170
00:10:28,214 --> 00:10:31,388
- Some bad.
- [ Laughs] Well, let me see the watch.

171
00:10:31,451 --> 00:10:33,453
- The watch.
- Uh-huh.

172
00:10:33,519 --> 00:10:36,193
Okay.

173
00:10:36,255 --> 00:10:38,758
Bob, what's it doing
in a handkerchief?

174
00:10:38,825 --> 00:10:41,965
L, uh--l didn't want
to wear it on the subway.

175
00:10:42,028 --> 00:10:43,974
Why not?

176
00:10:44,030 --> 00:10:47,011
[Clears Throat] Emily,
I-- I want to talk to you about the watch.

177
00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:49,068
What's the matter, Bob?
Doesn't it work?

178
00:10:49,135 --> 00:10:52,981
- It works fine.
- Oh, it's the gold. You don't like the gold.

179
00:10:53,039 --> 00:10:56,316
- No, the gold is great.
- You found out how much it cost.

180
00:10:58,611 --> 00:11:00,557
You zeroed in on it.

181
00:11:00,613 --> 00:11:02,615
Oh, you know, Bob,
it's really incredible.

182
00:11:02,682 --> 00:11:05,959
I mean, I had no intention
of spending that much money.

183
00:11:06,018 --> 00:11:09,158
I mean, I wanted to buy you
a really nice watch.

184
00:11:09,222 --> 00:11:12,396
Then I went into the store,
and the lady showed me this watch.

185
00:11:12,458 --> 00:11:16,668
Then she told me how much it cost,
and I said, “That is way out of line.“

186
00:11:16,729 --> 00:11:18,731
Yeah, well,
so far I'm with you.

187
00:11:18,798 --> 00:11:21,210
[Clears Throat]
Well, see...

188
00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:24,942
then she showed me another watch for $150,
and there was no comparison.

189
00:11:25,004 --> 00:11:27,507
I wanted to get you
the best watch I could...

190
00:11:27,573 --> 00:11:31,521
so even though this cost $1,300,
I took it.

191
00:11:33,112 --> 00:11:36,389
Emily, I could have
gotten it for$1,250.

192
00:11:39,752 --> 00:11:42,733
Well, Bob, I-l mean...

193
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,791
it is my money, you know.

194
00:11:44,857 --> 00:11:47,997
I earned it teaching.
I mean, I'm not counting.

195
00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:51,530
I'm not saying what's yours is yours
and what's mine is mine.

196
00:11:51,597 --> 00:11:55,010
I mean, I know it's our money,
yours and mine equally.

197
00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:57,308
I mean, all I'm saying is...

198
00:11:57,370 --> 00:11:59,816
I-I bought that watch
out of my half.

199
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,912
[Clears Throat]

200
00:12:02,975 --> 00:12:06,252
Emily, let me get a piece of paper,
and we'll figure this out.

201
00:12:06,312 --> 00:12:08,258
Now, um...

202
00:12:08,314 --> 00:12:12,820
you made $3,500 last year
as a substitute teacher.

203
00:12:12,885 --> 00:12:16,662
Yeah. Oh, uh, and don't forget
the money I made tutoring.

204
00:12:16,722 --> 00:12:18,668
- $300.
- Mm-hmm.

205
00:12:18,724 --> 00:12:21,933
And, oh, that macramé course
I taught at Camp Hiataka.

206
00:12:21,994 --> 00:12:25,066
Ten dollars.

207
00:12:25,131 --> 00:12:27,270
Anything else?

208
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:31,338
Oh, uh-- Yeah, I worked on the committee
for better pay for teachers.

209
00:12:31,404 --> 00:12:33,907
Nothing.

210
00:12:33,973 --> 00:12:35,748
Bob, what are you getting at?

211
00:12:35,808 --> 00:12:40,382
What I'm getting at, Emily,
is approximately $3,800.

212
00:12:40,446 --> 00:12:42,983
Now, out of the $3,800..

213
00:12:43,049 --> 00:12:46,121
You already spent $4,200
for the car.

214
00:12:47,653 --> 00:12:51,362
Well, Bob, I mean,
I know the watch is extravagant.

215
00:12:51,424 --> 00:12:54,098
L-I know it's luxurious, but--

216
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,538
Well, I-l don't do this
all the time, you know?

217
00:12:56,596 --> 00:13:01,102
It was very hard. I mean,
I tore up three checks before I got it right.

218
00:13:01,167 --> 00:13:05,513
But I wanted you to have it,
so-- so enjoy it.

219
00:13:05,571 --> 00:13:07,778
[Sighs]
Emily,I--

220
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:12,482
I wouldn't mind if you had
spent $1,300 on a-- on a piano...

221
00:13:12,545 --> 00:13:18,018
you know, because a-- I mean,
a $20 piano is no good.

222
00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:22,055
But a $20 watch will do
the same thing that watch does...

223
00:13:22,121 --> 00:13:25,330
and with the money left over
you could buy a--

224
00:13:26,325 --> 00:13:28,669
a piano.

225
00:13:28,728 --> 00:13:32,801
Then you'd have a piano
and a watch for the--

226
00:13:32,865 --> 00:13:35,243
for the price of that watch.

227
00:13:35,301 --> 00:13:39,909
You know, Bob,
I never realized it before.

228
00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:41,918
You're cheap.

229
00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:48,548
For somebody who's cheap,
I'm wearing a pretty expensive watch.

230
00:13:48,614 --> 00:13:52,858
Well, if you don't like it,
you canjust take it back.

231
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:57,095
No, I can't take it back, because there isn't
too big a demand for watches that say...

232
00:13:57,156 --> 00:13:59,363
“To Bob, the most wonderful
husband in the world.“

233
00:13:59,425 --> 00:14:01,735
Well, I'd certainly like
to rewrite that.

234
00:14:02,895 --> 00:14:06,035
- I'm going for a walk.
- I'm going with you.

235
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:10,409
Emily, you missed
the whole point of the walk.

236
00:14:10,469 --> 00:14:15,214
The reason I am going with you
is so we can go to a restaurant for dinner.

237
00:14:15,274 --> 00:14:17,447
- Well, I'm not hungry.
- Well, that's no excuse.

238
00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:20,013
We're going to
the Cordon Bleu restaurant.

239
00:14:20,079 --> 00:14:22,025
Oh, no.

240
00:14:22,081 --> 00:14:24,425
Have you set something up?

241
00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:27,521
I mean, the thing I've been
trying to avoid all day...

242
00:14:27,587 --> 00:14:29,589
is just about to happen, right?

243
00:14:29,655 --> 00:14:33,660
Don't be so sure, Bob.
[Chuckles]

244
00:14:33,726 --> 00:14:35,728
But I better change my suit.

245
00:14:35,795 --> 00:14:38,435
And you better wear the watch.
They're all gonna want to see it.

246
00:14:49,942 --> 00:14:52,821
All right. Now,
they're all in there, Bob...

247
00:14:52,878 --> 00:14:56,052
and please, for my sake,
try and act surprised.

248
00:14:56,115 --> 00:14:59,790
Are they out in the open
or under the tables or behind the drapes...

249
00:14:59,852 --> 00:15:01,798
just waiting tojump out at me?

250
00:15:01,854 --> 00:15:05,358
Come on now, Bob. I mean,
please don't let on that we've had a fight.

251
00:15:05,424 --> 00:15:07,927
A lot of people have gone to
a lot oftroublejust for you.

252
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,065
Okay.

253
00:15:10,129 --> 00:15:12,803
Well,would you smile?

254
00:15:12,865 --> 00:15:15,641
I am smiling.

255
00:15:16,969 --> 00:15:19,074
Could you use the other lip?

256
00:15:21,674 --> 00:15:25,053
- How's this?
- Oh, it's not important to smile.

257
00:15:25,111 --> 00:15:28,149
Just act happy and relaxed.

258
00:15:28,214 --> 00:15:31,218
Happy and relaxed.
You got it.

259
00:15:32,918 --> 00:15:36,525
Surprise' [All]
- Happy birthday!

260
00:15:36,589 --> 00:15:39,536
What a surprise. You really
shouldn't have done it, really.

261
00:15:39,592 --> 00:15:41,833
<i>[Jerry] Fantastic, Bob,
Are you really surprised?</i>

262
00:15:41,894 --> 00:15:45,808
I've known him since he was a small boy,
and I've never seen him so surprised.

263
00:15:45,865 --> 00:15:48,141
I-I-I really was surprised.

264
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,875
I thought Emily and I were gonna
have dinner alone in this banquet room.

265
00:15:51,937 --> 00:15:55,282
- [All ] Oh.
- I didn't say anything.

266
00:15:55,341 --> 00:15:57,787
Bob, you were surprised,
weren't you?

267
00:15:57,843 --> 00:15:59,789
- I really was.
- Really?

268
00:15:59,845 --> 00:16:03,418
Excuse me a minute. Excuse me.
Bob, I'd like you to meet my date.

269
00:16:03,482 --> 00:16:05,484
This is Wendy Rivers.
This is Bob Hartley.

270
00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:09,328
- How do you do, Bob?
- How do you do? I'm surprised to meet you.

271
00:16:10,823 --> 00:16:13,326
You, uh, didn't notice my car
out front, did you?

272
00:16:13,392 --> 00:16:16,464
- No.
- Well, that's because I parked seven blocks away.

273
00:16:16,529 --> 00:16:20,272
I was so nervous I dented the little
sports car right in back of me.

274
00:16:20,332 --> 00:16:22,642
What kind of a sports car?

275
00:16:22,702 --> 00:16:27,344
Uh, it was Italian, I think.
Let me see. Black with a red top.

276
00:16:27,406 --> 00:16:30,876
- That's my car.
- Oh.

277
00:16:30,943 --> 00:16:34,083
Well, I didn't know. I was going to
leave a note on the windshield...

278
00:16:34,146 --> 00:16:36,217
but I thought the wind
might blow it away.

279
00:16:36,282 --> 00:16:40,059
I tell you, this is perfect. I can
give it to you in person. Do you have a pen?

280
00:16:40,119 --> 00:16:43,532
I'm really, uh--
really relaxed and happy, Emily.

281
00:16:43,589 --> 00:16:46,729
Oh, Bob. Emily and I have been
planning this party for two weeks...

282
00:16:46,792 --> 00:16:48,738
and we were so afraid
you'd find out.

283
00:16:48,794 --> 00:16:52,332
It was all I could do to keep from
breaking up every time I saw you at work.

284
00:16:52,398 --> 00:16:54,537
The surprise is over.
You can break up now.

285
00:16:57,670 --> 00:16:59,843
- That must have felt real good.
- Oh, it did.

286
00:16:59,905 --> 00:17:01,942
- Listen, why don't we sit down, everybody?
- [ Chattering]

287
00:17:02,007 --> 00:17:05,352
There are place cards. You're up there.
Aunt May, you're here.

288
00:17:05,411 --> 00:17:08,790
Wendy and Howard--
We're, uh-- We're down here.

289
00:17:08,848 --> 00:17:10,885
You're here, CaroLjerry.

290
00:17:10,950 --> 00:17:13,954
Uh, Bob--

291
00:17:14,019 --> 00:17:17,865
- I, uh, don't have to wear a funny hat?
- No.

292
00:17:17,923 --> 00:17:20,460
[Tupperman]
Say, what time is it?

293
00:17:20,526 --> 00:17:23,370
- Uh, it's 8:35.
- Oh, Howard. Not you.

294
00:17:23,429 --> 00:17:26,376
I was trying a clever way to get Bob
to show us his new watch.

295
00:17:26,432 --> 00:17:29,140
Oh, I'm sorry.
Bob, what time is it?

296
00:17:30,503 --> 00:17:32,983
[All] Oh!

297
00:17:33,038 --> 00:17:36,918
- Bob, you got the greatest wife in the world.
- Oh, thankyouJerry.

298
00:17:36,976 --> 00:17:39,820
Yeah, she's, uh--
she's generous.

299
00:17:39,879 --> 00:17:42,223
Generous to a fault,
you might say.

300
00:17:45,384 --> 00:17:47,728
[Murmuring]

301
00:17:52,191 --> 00:17:54,228
Okay, time for the gifts.

302
00:17:54,293 --> 00:17:56,500
Oh, okay, Tuppy-

303
00:17:56,562 --> 00:18:00,066
Things should start picking up now.
It's gonna be a great party. I can feel it.

304
00:18:00,132 --> 00:18:02,078
[Chattering]

305
00:18:02,134 --> 00:18:05,775
- Oh, excuse me.
- [ Howard] Oh, wow.

306
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:10,685
Well, thank you very much.
That's very nice...

307
00:18:10,743 --> 00:18:12,745
and I really appreciate it.

308
00:18:12,812 --> 00:18:14,849
And, uh, thanks again.

309
00:18:14,914 --> 00:18:16,689
- Bob--
- [ Carol] Bob!

310
00:18:16,749 --> 00:18:18,751
Aren't you going
to open the gifts?

311
00:18:18,818 --> 00:18:21,321
<i>- Have?
- [Jerry] Of course.</i>

312
00:18:21,387 --> 00:18:24,197
I-I don't want to bore everybody.
I thought I'd open them at home.

313
00:18:24,256 --> 00:18:26,293
[All] Oh, Bob!

314
00:18:26,358 --> 00:18:28,531
I mean, that is the point
of the whole thing.

315
00:18:28,594 --> 00:18:33,009
Everybody wants to see how happy you are
when you open those gifts.

316
00:18:33,065 --> 00:18:36,512
Open that brown one first. That's from me.
He's gonna love that. It's really funny.

317
00:18:36,569 --> 00:18:38,947
Oh, what could it be?

318
00:18:39,004 --> 00:18:41,280
I have a feeling these are
gag giftsJerry.

319
00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:44,378
No, no, they're serious.

320
00:18:44,443 --> 00:18:47,390
Pacifier.

321
00:18:48,514 --> 00:18:51,552
-I lied.
- That's kind offunnyJerry.

322
00:18:51,617 --> 00:18:53,563
You see, a pacifier,
that's funny.

323
00:18:53,619 --> 00:18:56,361
You give a psychologist a pacifier,
and that's a very funnyjoke.

324
00:18:56,422 --> 00:18:58,368
Oh, yes. Uh-huh.

325
00:18:58,424 --> 00:19:00,665
This is from Edith and Al.

326
00:19:00,726 --> 00:19:06,108
“This is for when you go out of town
for your next psychology convention.”

327
00:19:06,165 --> 00:19:08,167
Wonder what this could be.

328
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,236
A nightlight.

329
00:19:12,872 --> 00:19:16,081
Psychologists are not supposed to be afraid
of the dark, and a night light, that's funny.

330
00:19:16,141 --> 00:19:18,644
Uh-huh. I get it.

331
00:19:20,279 --> 00:19:22,555
And this is from Dr. Tupperman.

332
00:19:22,615 --> 00:19:24,856
This is the funniest one
of the bunch.

333
00:19:26,352 --> 00:19:28,662
Bath toys.

334
00:19:28,721 --> 00:19:30,667
Bath toys!
Now, that's really funny.

335
00:19:30,723 --> 00:19:32,999
See, Bob doesn't take a bath.
He takes a shower.

336
00:19:33,058 --> 00:19:35,470
And this one is from...

337
00:19:36,996 --> 00:19:38,998
Uncle Harry and Aunt May.

338
00:19:39,064 --> 00:19:43,604
“Wishing you a happy birthday
and many happy returns.“

339
00:19:43,669 --> 00:19:47,947
What's the matter with Bob? I mean, he
doesn't look like he's having a very good time.

340
00:19:48,007 --> 00:19:52,456
Oh, nothing. Wejust had a little disagreement
about the cost of his watch. That's all.

341
00:19:52,511 --> 00:19:54,513
What's the matter
with Bob? Did Emily say?

342
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:57,584
Yeah. They're having a fight
about the price of the watch.

343
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:03,532
- Pajamas. - Of course, if they're
wrong, you can always return them.

344
00:20:03,589 --> 00:20:06,763
- What?
- <i>[ Emi/Jw] No, he '55277/ a size “B. ”</i>

345
00:20:06,825 --> 00:20:09,396
- Do you get thatjoke?
- No.

346
00:20:09,461 --> 00:20:11,407
Neither do I.

347
00:20:11,463 --> 00:20:14,467
Maybe it's funny because
Bob is a psychologist.

348
00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:17,776
No, psychologists wear pajamas
like anybody else.

349
00:20:17,836 --> 00:20:21,215
Uh, Bob, this side of the table
doesn't get thatjoke.

350
00:20:21,273 --> 00:20:23,583
- Well, who told you that?
- He did.

351
00:20:23,642 --> 00:20:26,213
- It came down the table.
- Well, I don't believe it.

352
00:20:26,278 --> 00:20:29,350
- What's the matter, Howard?
- You and Emily are getting a divorce...

353
00:20:29,415 --> 00:20:31,622
because she spent
$100,000 on a watch?

354
00:20:47,399 --> 00:20:50,778
Where do you want this, in the den,
on the balcony, or in the lobby by the pond?

355
00:20:54,206 --> 00:20:56,686
Emily, I thinkyou're silly
for not talking to me.

356
00:20:56,742 --> 00:20:59,245
After all, it is the day
of my birth, you know.

357
00:20:59,311 --> 00:21:02,155
- What time is it?
-12:30.

358
00:21:02,214 --> 00:21:04,251
It's the clay
after your birth.

359
00:21:04,316 --> 00:21:06,728
Emily, it's obvious that
you're holding something in...

360
00:21:06,785 --> 00:21:09,994
and the only way to settle an argument
is to let it all out.

361
00:21:10,055 --> 00:21:12,535
[Sighs]

362
00:21:12,591 --> 00:21:15,094
Well, that's a start.
You want to expand on that?

363
00:21:16,695 --> 00:21:20,199
Emily, even though
I hate birthday parties...

364
00:21:20,265 --> 00:21:23,144
and surprise birthday parties
more than all...

365
00:21:23,202 --> 00:21:25,478
I think it was a lovely evening.

366
00:21:25,537 --> 00:21:31,180
Bob, this night is in contention
for possibly the worst night of my life.

367
00:21:31,243 --> 00:21:33,189
Now that you mention it.

368
00:21:33,245 --> 00:21:37,022
You didn't even try. You did everything
you could to make yourself have a bad time.

369
00:21:37,082 --> 00:21:39,084
That is not true.
I really put out.

370
00:21:39,151 --> 00:21:43,293
I mean, 4O candles in one puff
is not dogging it.

371
00:21:43,355 --> 00:21:45,357
You know what I mean.

372
00:21:45,424 --> 00:21:47,597
Emily, I don't want
to get back into that.

373
00:21:47,659 --> 00:21:50,970
I'm exhausted from
having such a good time.

374
00:21:51,030 --> 00:21:53,067
I'm going to bed...

375
00:21:53,132 --> 00:21:55,203
unless you have
another surprise for me.

376
00:21:55,267 --> 00:21:58,043
I did have, but you're
sure not gonna get it now.

377
00:22:01,774 --> 00:22:04,380
I didn't expect it.

378
00:22:04,443 --> 00:22:06,514
Bob...

379
00:22:06,578 --> 00:22:09,354
this hasn't been a very nice
birthday for you, has it?

380
00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,759
No.

381
00:22:11,817 --> 00:22:15,890
I wanted it all to be so good.
I mean, I really tried.

382
00:22:15,954 --> 00:22:17,956
And look where--
We started with the watch...

383
00:22:18,023 --> 00:22:21,129
and now look
where we wound up.

384
00:22:21,193 --> 00:22:24,197
You're going to bed alone,
and I'm standing here like an idiot...

385
00:22:24,263 --> 00:22:27,107
watering plastic flowers.

386
00:22:28,967 --> 00:22:31,641
Emily, it isn't your fault.
it's my fault.

387
00:22:31,703 --> 00:22:35,150
- I wish I could love my watch.
- Oh, Bob.

388
00:22:35,207 --> 00:22:37,448
Love it!

389
00:22:37,509 --> 00:22:40,012
Love it. It cost enough.

390
00:22:41,146 --> 00:22:43,626
Emily, sit down.

391
00:22:43,682 --> 00:22:46,891
[Sighs]
When I was a kid...

392
00:22:46,952 --> 00:22:50,627
I used to think of everything
in terms ofice cream cones.

393
00:22:50,689 --> 00:22:52,691
L-I loved ice cream cones.

394
00:22:52,758 --> 00:22:56,638
Like, something that cost 2O cents
was two ice cream cones.

395
00:22:56,695 --> 00:22:59,437
A dollar was 1 O ice cream cones.

396
00:22:59,498 --> 00:23:02,843
And when I found out
how much this watch cost...

397
00:23:04,203 --> 00:23:07,980
I felt like I had been
run over by a Good Humor truck.

398
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,213
Oh, Bob.

399
00:23:10,275 --> 00:23:13,381
Emily, I wish I could
get over it, because I--

400
00:23:13,445 --> 00:23:15,584
Well, I really need
a new watch.

401
00:23:15,647 --> 00:23:17,649
Look, Bob. I'll tell you
what I'll do.

402
00:23:17,716 --> 00:23:21,562
Tomorrow at lunchtime, I'll come down to
your office and take you to thejewelry store...

403
00:23:21,620 --> 00:23:26,069
and you can exchange
this watch for one you want.

404
00:23:26,125 --> 00:23:28,071
- Really?
- Yeah.

405
00:23:28,127 --> 00:23:30,129
I mean, you can get a watch
that'll make you happy.

406
00:23:30,195 --> 00:23:32,471
That's-- That's wonderful.

407
00:23:32,531 --> 00:23:34,477
And then afterwards...

408
00:23:34,533 --> 00:23:38,447
if you're a good boy, I'll
buy you an ice cream cone.

409
00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:40,108
Emily, I love you.

410
00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:42,778
Oh, I love you too, Bob.

411
00:23:42,841 --> 00:23:45,014
Careful of the watch.

412
00:23:48,847 --> 00:23:51,384
What are we gonna do now?

413
00:23:51,450 --> 00:23:53,487
Well, I got some new bath toys.

414
00:23:59,057 --> 00:24:01,059
Why don't we just go to bed?

415
00:24:01,126 --> 00:24:03,163
That's better.

416
00:24:04,196 --> 00:24:06,233
- <i>[ Doorbell Buzzes ]</i>
- [ G <i>roa</i> n s ]

417
00:24:06,298 --> 00:24:08,300
- I'll get it.
- Okay.

418
00:24:10,102 --> 00:24:12,048
Hi, Bob.

419
00:24:12,104 --> 00:24:14,243
- Hi, Howard.
- Great party.

420
00:24:14,306 --> 00:24:18,277
Thank you, Howard, and I really appreciate
your coming over and telling me that.

421
00:24:18,343 --> 00:24:20,289
Oh, I'm sorryl can't come in...

422
00:24:20,345 --> 00:24:24,418
but Wendy and I are still celebrating
your birthday in my apartment.

423
00:24:24,483 --> 00:24:28,829
Listen, you left your pajamas at the party.
I thought you might need them tonight.

424
00:24:28,887 --> 00:24:31,663
I don't think I will,
Howard.

425
00:24:33,759 --> 00:24:36,467
Uh, you better take 'em.
There might be a fire.

426
00:25:13,765 --> 00:25:15,267
[ Mews]